Big Pond Days

Drum roll please...... Team Sloane 2010 raised $1900,00 for the March of Dimes this year. The walk was Saturday and it was a great day. I was quiet on the ride home. "Why so quiet?" was the question my hubby asked more than once. "No reason" was my answer more than once. I couldn't put my finger on it at that moment. After all, our walkers were enthusiastic, the day is blue skied, the picnic lunch was delish and Sloane was "on fire." It was a great day on the outside. On the inside, it was a kind of day that makes me reflect....a Big Pond Day. Big Pond Days are days when Sloane's LC loses some of its luster. 


Big Pond Days are the days when I am reminded how lucky we are that Sloane is as healthy as she is. Big Pond Days are the days when my heart hurts for another parent of a child with a much bigger medical need than Sloane's. Big Pond Days are the days when I question the basis of my religion because no child should have to hurt. Big Pond Days are the days when I see a child in a stroller with so much medical equipment on it, that my eyes can't bare to look. Big Pond Days are the days when I am extra quiet, working through my thoughts, counting my blessings and opening my eyes.


On the walk I chatted with another mom whose son has a rare birth defect as well. We chatted about how a some point life became normal. For me, I think that happened around September. Prior to that in my experience, there was shock, then there was fog, and now there is life.
In the shock stage, I was numb (post: a home for 50 days), 
In the fog stage, I was just that...foggy...living day to day, but covered by a medical fog....every moment was about Sloane's health, and
In the life stage, I am living..something became normal. Sloane has a laryngeal cleft and it is what it is. Daily life is more balanced. Our days are more about what Sloane can say and do. (as a side note, this weekend I heard "i dont want to" a few too many times)


Having conversations with other moms of children who are medically challenged is as helpful to me, as having chats with my go-to mommies. There is a bonding & understanding that happens almost instantly. Motherhood, by nature, bonds us as women. But a deeper common thread is present when I talk with moms who have a child with a medical need. An openness is felt. I am sure many, if not most, of these moms, have Big Pond Days too!!