Royal Treatment

Mother's Day for most of my adult life has been a day I wished away. A day that kicks me in my gut and turns this truly optimistic person into a sour puss. A day that makes me close my eyes passed all the "To Mom" cards at the Hallmark store until I get to the ones I need to purchase. A day that gives me justification to be anti-social. A day that I felt like if I celebrated I was being disrespectful to my mom. Mother's Day is not a day I have looked forward too.


As a mother now, of course, Mother's Day has softer edges and has become a day filled with love. But the ache of not having my own mother never leaves. I remember thinking that when I had a child my feelings on Mother's Day would regress back to what they were before my mom died. I discussed it with a relative who lost her mother and already had children.....she clarified and said it gets better but the sting is still there. And boy, was she right. Mother's Day is a day to celebrate with your own mother when you are a mother seeing as though she is the woman who taught you to be mom that you are. 


My mother not being able to see me as mother, myself, hurts. But the deepest ache is that Sloane won't know my mother. There is a special bond between a mom's mom and their child that Sloane will miss. It's a mom to daughter to grandchildren connection. I long to hear my mother say "Oh, Sloane has Tarra's ??" or "Sloane does ?? just like Tarra did." Those things only your mom will say. As I have said earlier (post: Mom For Rent), Sloane has 2 wonderful grandmothers so she won't feel the ache that I do. 


I did quickly learn last year on my first Mother's Day that what I envisioned Mother's Day was like was wrong. It is not a day of rest and pampering. No-one swoops in and takes your child for you so you can read a magazine, walk leisurely down the aisle of Homegoods without playing the toddler's version of Let's Make A Deal, or shower for the appropriate time. It is a day of celebration and honor, but you are still a mom which is a 24 hour day job/7 days a week/365 days a year.


Now, this Mother's Day wasn't ideal. My hubby is still banged up, so it was me and mini-me for the day! Our day started off with a morning snuggle in my bed, a puckered up kiss on my belly, and an "i juvv you".  I mean how could it not be a wonderful day after that royal treatment from my daughter??? 


A family day planned and executed entirely by my hubby and Sloane would have been dreamy, but nevertheless Sloane and I knocked today out of the park!! We spent the entire day on the road visiting, eating, sleeping, playing and finished it up with a first time experience.....kite flying! We covered the state from one end to the other. It was actually kind of crazy how swimmingly the day went. We both had a wonderful day! The memory of today will help make next Mother's Day be a day I look forward to and not wish away!