Trump Card

Sloane did have some episodes of coughing over the past few days. Sloane is not coughing with every sip....she is having a coughing period maybe once or twice a day. As I said in my last post, it isn't clear if Sloane is having a problem with the consistency (7oz. to one packet of nectar) OR the volume in the sip. I have watched her every sip over the past few days as did "the machine" on Saturday night. We both are leaning towards a volume issue not a consistency issue. Sloane is coughing when she has a large sip in her mouth that she has swished around and then tried to swallow in a gulp.

My hubby and I spent much of Saturday discussing this as Sloane performed her coughing for him Friday night while I was not home. Now, my hubby has a different approach to life than I have. He looks and thinks of things differently than I do. So, when he started to suggest that we might have a problem on our hands I started getting a sick feeling in my gut. The problem wasn't the problem....the solution to it would be the real problem. My hubby was suggesting that Dr. Rahbar may in fact have to go back in and fine tune Sloane's cleft repair surgery. A 2nd surgery!  His question was do 2 year olds without laryngeal clefts have trouble with big sips? It doesn't seem normal that Sloane will not be able to  take big sips for the rest of her life.

I decide to share our concerns with mammie on Saturday night....after all, she is my wing woman. Mammie is the only other person who hears Sloane's story from the medical point of view first hand. Many times, she absorbs the information better than I do exactly why I take her with me. When we discuss Sloane's LC, its a very factual and realistic conversation. As I shared our thoughts, Mammie confirmed that she, too, is thinking Sloane may need a 2nd surgery. Her reasons were similar to my hubby's but she also had a trump card. Mammie thinks that the myth, the legend Dr. Rahbar was trying to get me ready that Sloane would be having a 2nd surgery on our last visit.

I was silent for a moment and then thought.....she was right. That was how Dr. Rahbar operated (no pun intended). He is a straight forward in a very kind, gentle manner. He lays the framework in a way that he tells you exactly what's going to happen before it does. I thought about our conversation. He scoped Sloane and when he was done...he said:

• let's up the ante and push her hard until the end of October, 
• if she gets stuck on a consistency, lets give her a swallow study,
• based on those results, I may go in and do a 2nd surgery

So now, we decide. Should I up her to 8oz to one packet tomorrow as the schedule says to and see what happens? Or should I stay at 7oz until we see Cara on Friday? I would like to tell you that we have decided, but I cant. I have spent the last 24 hours with a sick feeling in my gut.  I cant even think about Sloane needing a 2nd surgery and all that comes with it emotionally. Sloane has come so far, as we have...a 2nd surgery changes all that. I immediately begin to unravel. My hubby reminds me that we are 80% there....its only a fine tuning to get us to the finish line...and that I shouldn't get nervous unless he does. This is all factual and true. I, on the other hand, cant be rational.