Game Changer???

It should be surprising to everyone that I got mail today from Children's for a swallow study on April 30th at 10:15. I opened the the packet and actually said out loud "This is wrong. Sloane doesn't have a swallow study." And I said it outloud with such conviction. It took about 15 seconds and then the dots connected with a big BAM! Ummm, yes, Tarra, Sloane does have a swallow study on April 30th right before she sees Dr. Rahbar. 

How I couldn't have forgotten is fucking beyond me!? Dr. Rahbar's followup appointment is etched in my mind, but the swallow study got lost in between Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, potty training, a big girl bed and a major home renovation. I guess on a positive note, we are are so removed from monthly swallowing therapy services and Dr. Rahbar visits that our next swallow study wasn't on my radar. We haven't seen Dr. Rahbar or Kara  since October and we haven't had a swallow study since May 2012. On a realistic note, as soon as it settled in, I thought about April 30th and what could happen. 

We are pros at swallow studies. We have had positive results and we have had swallow studies that have left me crying the whole ride home from Children's.  

I think I have enjoyed not having the medical information on Sloane's swallow. It is easier to not know whether Sloane is aspirating. Once we have the hard cold facts that she is, the game changes. I, in the past, have been the drink nazi. Controlling every sip, monitoring every sippy cup, and attaching myself to Sloane as she drinks. I do not want to wear that hat again. I want Sloane to keep her drinking independence. But if I know she is aspirating, I have to get involved in her drinking. I will be thinking about the swallows dripping into her lungs with each gurgle, cough, and noise. I hear and see those now but because Sloane has been healthy, other than her pneumonia episode in late December, and because I don't know if they are really aspirations....I let them go. 

With  that being said, am I looking forward to our swallow study on April 30th? Yes. It is time for us to get some hard, cold facts on Sloane's laryngeal cleft and her swallowing ability in regards to liquids in their natural form.