Let Go.....

Yesterday, I organized Sloane's closet 4 times and did about 8 loads of laundry. What that means is that I am feeling out of sorts. Some people clean, vacuum or pace when they are out of sorts. I fold clothes. I organize clothes. I rehang clothes. I am getting more out of sorts as the week is going on. Ill be washing the neighbor's clothes before Saturday gets here...lol
I sent the manifesto out and have already started working on my addendums. Nuts, I know!!!

I did take a break from all my unnecessary worry today. We had a family trip to visit a preschool. It was the first one on our list. Sloane was beyond excited. She thought she was staying at school. As a matter of fact, before we left she pitched a fit because a bus wasnt picking her up! Once, we arrived. She was engaged and ready to jump in. Which were all good signs. We watched, we sang, we listened, and then we play outside. Once our tour was over and we had to leave, Sloane lost her shit. LOL  I actually felt badly that I dont have her enrolled in school already. It broke my heart. The ride to our stop, mammie's house, she kept saying "I wanna play with the kids."

Leave it to my father, who is the king of busting me up, to put it in the right words after I tell him about Sloane's experience at school. "Tarra, she is dying to get out of your house. She is saying get me out of this place. Let me go." As he was saying it, I was laughing so hard I was crying and he was roaring. It is true. My daughter is ready to leave the nest. LOL 

The search continues over the next month. I have 3 or maybe 4 places floating around in my head to see before I can commit to a preschool. 

On the laryngeal cleft front, Sloane is frustrating me. I know that doesnt sound great considering how our journey began. Blessed isnt a big enough word to describe how I feel that Sloane is drinking liquids in their natural form. 

Lately, though, as she drinks she is taking such big, continuous sips that she clearly aspirating to the point of losing her breath. She just keeps sucking and sucking without taking her time and then the swallow is too big and cant be controlled. I can see it happening and find myself pulling the straw from her mouth. I, also, find myself raising the pitch of my voice when it happens. Which isnt ideal. We keep reminding her to take her time, take small sips, slow down but that isnt happening. I am getting frustrated and a tiny bit nervous that all those big uncontrolled swallows will pile up in her lungs. The appearance of her face afterward is a dead giveaway. She is flushed, eyes watering and gasping a bit. It is very frustrating to watch.