I found it very funny that the anesthesiologist asked me how I felt about holding the mask over Sloane face to put her to sleep?? Really!?! I thought?? Did you just ask me that??? What I wanted to say in all my North Providence sarcasm was.......I love it. Actually it has been my favorite part of parenting. Watching my child scream and cry while I can do nothing to help her and have to remain composed is very fun. It is as much fun as I had going out with my girlfriends Friday night for drinks!!! SERIOUSLY!!!! I didn't say that no-one panic! I took the high road and said "Well, I have done it before. Its fine. I am her mom. Its my job." I truly think Mammie was proud of my answer :) as she sat beside me. She knows I am not exactly in my best inner self this week and may have said some things that weren't exactly appropriate! LOL
The anesthesiologist did redeem herself when she spoke these words while we discussed Monday's events...."this surgery is a big deal. airway surgeries are a big deal." WHHHAAATTTT?????? I couldn't believe it. Did she just say that???? I looked her in the eyes and said "you have no idea how big this is. Thank you for saying that." Once again, I made Mammie proud. I kept my mouth shut, didn't rattle off my laryngeal cleft journey business and left our appointment with an inner smile. Yes, this is a big deal! This is the biggest deal in my life. This is my child.
I did wonder if the location of Sloane's surgery was adding to my overall concern? Would I be as worked up if it was something more mainstream like tubes in the ears, tonsils, hernia, or a broken limb??? I don't know. I do think the airway, throat, vocal cords, trachea thing steps it up a notch for me. We talked at pre-op about the option that may Sloane come out of surgery intubated. Not ideal, but I understand why this may be an option tomorrow. The area may be swollen from the laser, stitches, shear manipulation of it AND we are closing Sloane's cleft tighter hence making a portion of her airway more narrow. I have seen Sloane intubated before, at 22 days old, after her g-tube surgery. It is not tops on my lists of memories, but it does need to happen. We are prepared. If she has to be intubated, she will be heavily sedated so she wont know. Thank you very much!!
Surgery is scheduled for 1:15 on tomorrow. Not the best time seeing as though Sloane can't eat after midnight but also not the worst either. In the scheme of things, the type of surgery Sloane is having is not nearly as extensive as the surgeries that will happen on Monday in Children's ORs so we understand that our daughter's surgery doesn't take precedence over some others. We will begin our day around 10:30 when we start the ride to Children's. Once there, we know it'll been a mix between hurry up and wait and a whirlwind of events. Surgical check-in is always interesting. Sometimes, I cant believe that I have done check in for a procedure that requires anesthesia 8 times on my almost 4 year old!! It can be surreal. Sloane will be under from start to finish about three or so hours....One thing I know for sure is that it'll be a very quiet 3 hours in the family waiting area for us.
I have all the faith in Dr. Rahbar and his team. He has performed this surgery about 200 times and Sloane will be his 4th or 5th child who has needed a 2nd surgery. This isn't his first rodeo!! Although tomorrow, we will have a moment when I will lock eyes with him in the OR while holding Sloane and beg him to take the best possible care of my child that he is humanly able to do. We knew that tomorrow's 2nd cleft repair was a possibility right back in March of 2011 after her 1st repair. Dr. Rahbar told us when he came out of the OR after closing it up. I didn't hear him say it...ha....but I know for a fact that he did. It has been confirmed by multiple sources. :)
The packing will begin later. I've managed to re-organize my house 100 times, written a bunch of to-do lists and done all the laundry I could so it is time to crack out the over-night bags. I told Sloane that we are having a sleepover at Dr. Rahbars tonight at dinner and she said ..."well, let me go pack." And she did.
 |
| We have 2 pairs of pjs, 3 pairs of undies, socks, a pretend flat iron and curling iron, beaded necklaces, a baseball hat, a hand mirror, a singing star, a few furry friends and the ever dependable lovey! Not a bad packing job at all!!! |
We have not told Sloane anything else yet. It'll be a discussion in the morning. Not sure what approach we will take as the kick-off to "the talk" but I am sure the game plan for the next few days will roll out just fine. I think I am most concerned about denying Sloane food all morning at this point. Once we are at the hospital, new concerns will come to the forefront. I have some new Doc McStuffins and Sofia the First pjs waiting for our over-nights! And a few new treats...not that Sloane needs a thing. She needs not for another toy!!!
The outpouring of care, concern, prayers, and love today has been very sweet. I received lots of phone calls, texts and emails from our closest friends and even more from people we didn't know knew tomorrow was so monumental to us. Very touching. The sentiments are all the same....everything will be fine! And we know if our hearts that it will be but that doesn't make it an easier as parents. Sloane's journey has been lived and breathed for roughly over 1200 days in our home, in our hearts, in our lives. Tomorrow is in fact a big deal...
No comments:
Post a Comment