Realistically, BIG

Our appointment with Dr. Rahbar is in 10 days. I am not living day to day waiting for this appointment as I have in the past with our appointments with him. Dr. Rahbar is an exceptional doctor with a wonderful bedside manner. I trust him completely and his philosophy of one step at time has proven itself. I am at a point that I realize that Dr. Rahbar is not going to be able to say or do something profound to make our journey speed up anymore. In the past, I would wait and wait to get to our appointments and then hang on his every word waiting for him to declare a finish line. I am not in that same place anymore. I guess you could say I am more realistic. 

My husband is taking the day off to accompany me, Sloane and mamie to our appointment. He does not make all appointments, but this is one he doesn't want to miss. We were all discussing it tonight at dinner. He and mamie think our appointment next week is going to be a BIG one. I am not sure how it could be??? Yes, we have made progress. Yes, Sloane has remained pneumonia free, Yes, a sippy cup is part of our daily routine. Yes, Sloane has proven to not have any aversions to liquids. But, what does that change??? I think, no I know, Dr. Rahbar is going to be very pleased but I am not expecting anything to change in our course of action. I am not expecting this appointment to be BIG in any way, shape or form. 

I am not being negative. I am thrilled with how far Sloane has come. I am just being realistic. This is a one step at a time birth defect and as long as Sloane stays healthy, I accept that. There was a long time when I frustrated because nothing was progressing. It was actually more than an entire year. From July 20, 2010 to August 23, 2011.....nothing changed. Sloane had her cleft repair, but she continued to aspirate everything on a swallow study except solids. I think that was my breaking point. That was the point when I accepted that this teeny tiny birth defect was going to be hanging around for a long time. In that 13 month period, we had gone thru so much (post: Are We There Yet) and our progress with the cleft was non-existent. 

When I had my shut-down period/soul searching period (that's what I do best when I need to deal with/thru smthg) after that swallow study, I think I changed my approach with our journey. I no longer wanted to fast forward over the days to get to the end. I now wanted to make every day better than the last one sip at a time. 

So am I looking forward to seeing Dr. Rahbar? Yes. Am I looking forward to him scoping Sloane to check her healing? Yes. Am I looking forward to Sloane drinking some JU in front of him? Yes. Am I looking forward to reviewing all the progress we have made? Yes. After all that is said and done, I am looking forward to him saying: keep going, keep thinning, keep up the good work. See you in another 6 months. Realistically, that sounds BIG to me.